An Answer

Feelings cannot describe the stillness;
the talking of minds,
the silence of lips.
whether you give an answer to any of my questions,
the silence upon silence in your eyes, is an answer, to all my questions.

Nothing is Permanent

Imran Zia, 26, Muzaffarabad

"We have learned that nothing material is permanent. What matters most are the things you can't see - like the bonds between people.Buildings don't matter anymore, they all fall down. Making money, getting a big house - what's the point? Just help people. Live for others. That's what we've learnt. Pray for us, whoever you are reading this, give us motivation".

The Sarhad Feast

This being our first dinner together, they were clearly out to get me. They wanted to know what I was made of, I guess and took turns in filling their plates/glasses every few minutes. It was merciless.

I made a grave error, not knowing what was coming. I had been eating frantically, trying to keep up with all the food that was put in front of me, or put on my plate by my assistant when some kind of work was involved. For example, a mound of boiled Palao arrives, peas and carrots filled, so my assistant basically sifts the carrots out - as to my liking - and puts the rest my plate throughout the entire meal.

Anyway, I was getting really full by the time the special milkshake arrived and was downing water after water on top of all that food. At some point I got another plate-fill invitation from the assistant and decided to decline. I just couldn’t do it. I would puke then and there, so gave him an open-palmed “no thanks.” If you’ve been to Sarhad you know: there is no saying no. The entire table began pushing me to drink the special liquid, while Yasar sat smiling with his glass and ready with the look, "If I can, well, surely you can as well?"

I looked at my full glass of thing-way-majig milkshake. I looked around the table. All eyes were fixed on me. I looked at Yasar, who with a little tightening of his lips signaled that there was no way out of this one.

I picked up the glass and started drinking. each gulp I felt my stomach grow tighter and tighter. I could actually feel it expanding to a size it had never known before, stretching more and more until it was completely, no-mistake-about-it full.

There were still two gulps of shake left in my glass when I knew - knew with full certainty - that I would either stop now or barf. I lowered the glass and closed my eyes. My stomach was pounding, fireworks danced inside my head and my head beat like a drum.

Ten or fifteen seconds passed while I fought back the overpowering urge to empty the contents of my stomach. That scene played itself out before my eyes: my head jerks forward as I power puke across the table and onto the shirts and faces of the unfortunate few seated directly across from me. Dinner would end abruptly and there might even be crying. Decades could pass and these people would never-ever, I was sure, look back on such an event and laugh with such fondness of memories.

My mind raced as I thought of how I might somehow make it to the restroom first and then puke. But I knew then that just getting up would invite puking and the cross-legged position would only result in greater damage.

I burped once, then twice. They came slowly....Then another. I looked up and everyone was watching closely. No one spoke. I burped quietly again. The tension was releasing, I could feel it and I got out another one. I was going to make it. I picked up the glass and downed the last of the shake. The table shouted their approval and everyone went back to eating and talking.

Yasar gave me a concerned look. I nodded that I was okay, and that I wouldn’t be puking on him just then. I waited a couple of minutes there while still feeling like a vomit bomb that might go off at any second. I got up slowly and went to the restroom, thinking I would just start over from scratch. I entered the squat toilet. It wasn’t hot but I was sweating anyway. I took deep breaths and decided maybe I wouldn’t puke after all. Instead, a wiped my forehead and neck with some paper towels I found by the sink and went to re-join.

I realised that they probably had no idea how close they had actually come to be wearing my semi-digested dinner just moments before. I couldn’t eat, of course and was only made to drink Lipton tea. I guess I got lucky that time around.

Travels - Part I

Khaliq - Part I

As I walked into the departure lounge trying to spot a suitable place/person - preferably with someone who I could strike a conversation with - I knew I’d seen a Pakistani and I was happy. Endless meetings of Indians had left me somewhat bewildered at no sight of the other rival.

Shortly after beginning formalities of initial conversation in Urdu and also because my jaw started to hurt, we switched to Punjabi like a change of gear. He was full of advice. But one advice that seemed to stick to me instantly was:

“I wouldn’t count on your friend being there for you in Delhi. Have some back-up plan and be careful. You see, we (Pakistani’s) are not like Hindu’s. They are too secretive about things and only value friendship with their own”.

Being a bit of a rationalist I discarded this straight away, or I tried to. I couldn’t help but think of it on my way to Bangkok and later.

My dosage of conversation wasn’t still complete and so I managed to swap seats to talk more. His name was Khaliq. He was a proud man and somewhat stubborn. Typical base attributes for a Pakistani, I thought. But nice, because being nice shows others soul of a human, he said. I liked him straight away.

All for now, continue tomorrow!

Walking Badly

One impossibility I've never gotten used to while living here is the way people disregard their surroundings altogether when moving about on foot. Put a Japanese person in a car and he's a absolute robot of subtle awareness, but as soon as those heels hit the pavement, out come the cell phones, Sony PSP’s and manga comics.

At least once a day I'll be strolling down the sidewalk, minding my own business, only to have some High School student skip out of a doorway - with neither a look to the left or the right - lighting a cigarette or flipping open his keitai as he lands immediately in front of me.

Or in a crowded station, where people often finish their conversations with an acquaintance or a friend, then turn around suddenly and make to speed off, instead crashing directly into yourself. When I first got here I spent a lot of time dodging, ducking and diving to avoid these people, always amazed that they never took even a second to survey the landscape before barging ahead.

These days I just keep walking. At first that resulted in lots of crashing into other people and countless interrupted games of Tetris, but before long people seemed to sense my presence differently, and would kind of flow around me like any other obstacle hovering on the side-line. Now all I have to watch out for is the salary guys who puff away on crowded streets and sometimes give the wild, ciggy-in-hand gestures that regularly target the small space between my nose and forehead.

Quote

Todays quote (upon translation):

"You son of a squint-eyed camel"

Booty Up

Its fairly common these days to see young girls grooming themselves on the train on their way to work or wherever, but this day was the first time I actually saw someone curl their hair on a crowded train.

These two girls shared a roller, applied six or seven coats of makeup and took phone calls all between 2 stations and much to the silent contempt of their elders sitting nearby.

I got the impression they actually had plenty of time to get ready before leaving the house, but saved it all for the train just for the shock value. :)

You go girls!

Everythings gonna be alright!

Going shopping is great, with nothing on your mind than to spend some hard-earned cash. To enjoy the next few days off on your weekend with not a worry in the world, until of course you hear the dreaded beep. Which in the space of some minutes, turns persistent. Oblivious to the fact its your phone crying out for an injection of electricity, you carry on with your ritualistic hobby.

As you do, a hand in the pocket, a swift scoop of the phone and a glance at the screen brings the earth tumbling around you.Then come the dreaded thoughts, a mobile/cell phone with no battery.

Conjured up feelings rise within you, strong sense of emotions are awaken. The smile of getting to eat the food that you adore whilst shopping, vanishes.

Think about a nightmare. Think of a terrifying thought....multiply it and add some power numbers which make it too big a number for your calculator - and your mind - to handle and this will maybe suffice as to how you feel in this emotive moment.

Alas!

With forward thinking of nationals not-so-in-touch with reality (yes, the Japanese) our future headaches will be finally put to rest. We will no longer have to counter dreaded situations of a dead battery - at least in the shopping department that is - such as:

• Your Hot date telling you its off as she couldn’t contact you and now feels cheap.

• Ammi’s wrath/barrage of insults hurled on your incompetence for failing to answer your phone and hence not attaining her hair colour product.

• The important text from your mate about last nights antics will be pending hence not keeping you up-to-date with the on goings in your social environment.

• Tonight’s partying details will not be current, with YOUR opinion not considered, hence ending up in a bar in Gay Village likely...

• Checking of the latest Cricket scores not available and hence not having that cheeky smirk on your face when you refresh every few minutes to find Afridi’s score galloping ahead.

• A possible text requiring immediate attention from an Old Flame to re-spice your sorry life has the likelyhood of being delayed.

and many more!

Yes, but now you will be able to charge your phones soon from a phone store near you!

Sit, have a coffee. Dance if you like. Watch the bars on your phone rise and let the horrible worries of a dead battery, drift into thin air...

Boys running after girls

After reading few posts and observing boys running after girls and gaining nothing but a sad face and hopelessness, I couldn't stop myself from sharing few thoughts with you about SINFE NAAZUK.

First of all what is LOVE? What and Why do girls want to be just "friends" first? What does a girl look for in a guy? and most imprtantly, what do u have to "offer" her?

* You are NOT going to gain anything by keeping your feelings inside and thinking "Oh she would get mad at me if i told her how much I care about her and all my time(including Prep time) is spent in thinking about her?"So Express yourself. A man falls for what he sees whereas a woman falls for her ears.

* You will NOT be able to impress a lady by ALWAYS being Mr Nice to her. A girl likes a guy who is sometimes sweet to her, sometimes controling and sometimes careless. As the hadith says. A woman is like a bent branch of tree, if you tried to bend it too much, it would break , if u tried to straighten it too much, it would break.

*You will NOT get anywhere if you are not sure what u want. Women are sensitive, they seek a strong(CONFIDENT) person, someone who would not leave 'em stranded in the middle. So CONFIDENCE is the key.

* You will NOT gain access to the heart of a girl/woman, if you gave up on her first "No". One has to understand that they test you as to how much u can take. So Learn their vocabulary such as, the famous,

MAY BE, means a Yes
NO(means yes, it all depends on the tone),
WE WILL SEE, she does not want to give u the upper hand
You DONT EVEN KNOW ME, she likes you telling her mumbo jumbo, but she wants more.
YEAH YEAH, she is testing your patience
WHATEVER, she has no answer .....................and many more

oops its past midnight here, so I am going to hit the sack now

No hard feelings

Undaunted

Grow Baby Grow!

I just paid thirty pounds for a haircut.

Am I angry? Am I confronting the locals at random, demanding in broken Japanese some explanation for the sky-high cost of, well, everything in this country. No. In fact, I haven't felt this good in months. I can't wait for my hair to grow out enough for me to justify coming back.

The Japanese haircut is unlike anything you're likely to find in the U.K (maybe Pakistan, albeit in a different surrounding). As far as I can tell, the Japanese have transformed the relatively mundane business of cutting hair into an art form. In a few broad strokes, it works something like this:

The Preliminaries

Once seated in one of the eight or so Thrones of Pleasure, the customer is greeted by a crack team of uniformed, smiling young women that turn the usual "How do you wannit?" into what seems like the Command and Control center aboard the HMS Elizabeth. They stand at attention, listening intently to your detailed instructions and periodically trumpeting "Hai!" in unison.

Once the specifics of how the next couple of hours will be spent are defined, they disperse in different directions, reappearing moments later with all manner of tools, blankets and assorted gadgets. All but two then depart for the special Deployment Centre located somewhere in the back of building until called into service. The remaining pair begin at once, one busily snipping away at the excess strands of hair, the other standing at the ready, passing tools over from a nearby wheeled cart and saying "Hai!" alot. Should one's plastic Hair Barrier slip even an inch from its moorings on either side of the chair the assistant will rush in, emit a barrage of shiturei itashimasu's (Roughly translated: Oops, how RUDE of me! God! Just shoot me if I screw this up! Gosh I'm sorry!) and return things to their proper place. As quickly as she came she'll return to attention at her station with an audible shhhhwack!. This lasts for maybe an hour, or until all offending hairs have been lovingly snipped and carted off...

The Really Good Stuff

At this point the team members call in the Shampoo Expert, who appears at your side as if teleported there and then begins deftly manipulating the drawers and panels of the mahoghany bureau before you to reveal (gasp!) a wash basin. She and the assistant (Hai!) set about protecting your shirt and collar region with an elaborate system of towels, clips, and rivets.

Once prepared to brave the water, you are invited to lean forward in your chair and endure the many and varied pleasures of The Wash. In my case, I suffered perhaps seven separate scrub cycles: Shampoo, Shampoo II, Conditioner, Really Good-Smelling Stuff, Scalp Prep, Super Tingly Scalp Treatment, Rinse, Rinse The Rinse Out Rinse, etc. etc. At some point I think I passed out, but was revived by a pair of firm hands massaging my back and shoulders, and another toweling off my soaked noggin. Hauled vertical once again, I was greeted by my dazed and giddy reflection in the mirror. And then the chair dropped backwards...

The Shave

Next, hot towels were brought on a cart and draped carefully across the upper half of my face. Some unseen steam-generating device was then employed to blow hot, moist air on my cheeks and neck. That done, more towels were added until only my nose remained. I dozed.

The towels were gingerly removed, and my face was introduced to hot lather (instant friends, those two) and I fell under the skilled manipulation of a gleaming, gold straight razor. Each area of my face was shaved at least twice, including that bothersome area between the brows, and each instance (yes! more!) was preceded by the gentle application of steaming lather. My facial hair probably won't emerge again for a week or two....

I rose to leave, and as I approached the cash desk, a young woman holds out an open mahogany box filled with assorted cigarettes. I took one, she lit it, I paid my measly thirty pounds and walked out into the night, a chorus of 'arigatou gozaimashita's' echoing in the air of the doorway behind me. The air was cool on the exposed skin around my ears. My scalp was abuzz. My skin was clean and tight.

I rubbed my scalp and thought "Grow, baby, grow."

What is love? Part II

Part II

Today we meet each other, act with each other for sometime, later when we claim that we love each other, then the real us spring outside. Wow, how can the other party accept what he/she didntÂ’t know about us before? In other words, we never even loved that person, but it was rather lust for the person.

Today girls have distorted love with their selfishness, controlling greed, and of course materialistic endeavors. When a guy is poor and uneducated, then there is no genuine love for him. If a guy is a doctor, lawyer, or a very successful businessman, then this actress will shower him with her fake love only aimed at his money or success. Say, if he lost his fortune, jobless or Allah forbid very sick, then the true witch will spring out.

When a woman truly loves a man, be he poor, rich, sick, healthy, loser, educated or whatever it may be, she will continue to love him. His mere appearance, voice or touch will satisfy her. His presence makes her feel like she on top of the world. Her heart is always filled with joy. This light of love always fills her heart with life and gives her the sense of being needed. All women want to feel needed and they can only fulfill this by serving the ones they truly love: husband (lover) children, parents or their community.

Good friends are always easy to find provided that you keep a clean heart and ask for forgiveness. An enemy today can become the best friend tomorrow. Avoid discrimination since you may never know who could be your best friend, rich, poor, fat, tall, skinny, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, black, white or Japanese. Some people do not have to push but everything walks right into them.

Hardest thing you can do is inflicts pain on the one you love. If you love someone, you do not suffocate him/her. If you love someone, you will be happy for him or her always no matter if he/she is with you or not.

Will continue with this tomorrow,

I gotta jet. Be good and smart!

Dauntless

What is love? Part I

Yes, love starts with a smile and ends with joy.

Many people claiming to be in love are actors and actresses.

If you had met a boy in your younger years at school say a classmate and fell in love, you would have had a good experience what love is. If you become very good friends with someone with whom you open yourself to like a book and he can read and accept you for who you are, then you will enjoy the taste of love.

Dauntless

(sounds better)

Neglected

As i leave for lunch....

I look for her again. I turn left. Then right. Can't seem to see her today.

I walk over to the crossroads, all the while thinking where to eat. The sun is warm, the humidity has started to nag at my neck, asking the tie for a release.

On my way back, i see her.

Somehow i dont know how i missed her in the first place. But now i cant take my eyes off what i see nearly everyday.

As i walk past, she is lying. I try to look at her face, i want to look into her eyes and see the sorrow she possesses and how? I want to know the whole story. But, today is better, she seems in a state of rest. A state of peace. No state of nakedness i seen when i walked past yesterday, no shes not trying to take her t-shirt off today, trying to bear the humidity.

She is wearing the normal dusty, dirty, worn out vest she always wears. Her broken umbrella beside her. Somehow my mind cannot comprehend, how she manages to balance on the broken item when she walks.

I want to scream, to the loudest voice my throat, my stomach, my whole body can conjure up in one big breath. I want to relieve what i feel. I want to grab them all...The passer-by's, The boy in the office, the girl in the office. I want to grap them by their girebaan and shake them, keep doing it until some sort of recognition as to how i feel is knocked into them.

Why couldn't the boy in the office give me a reason as to why she sits there, why she lies there. Naked or not and how people can walk by her as if she is invisible. Why couldnt he ask her if something can be bought for her, maybe some food, clothes...something? He is embarrassed, he cannot. And she doesnt sit with this expectation. Neither does the population walking by, oblivious to this invisible human being.

In this state of sheer frustration and anger, my nafs calls out to me and tells me again:

'This is the land of the rising sun.'

Questions about love

I would ask myself these questions about love.

What am I seeking in my life? Wealth or power? Do I want heart contentment or misery of my heart ? what is that my heart really desires?

We the Muslims have been striped of heart contentment because we ignored the root of love. Everything that we do have its tests. Likewise, in our love life we will be tested, but if we are sincere to our love we will overcome it.

I would ask myself these questions: What do I want in my life? A person I can spend the rest of my life with trying to follow the entire teachings of Islam or a doctor who does not follow Islam but is very wealthy?

Like I said before, if a guy/gal loves Allah and His messenger above everything, he/she will automatically find happiness in love.

From what I know, a woman only wants someone who she can be herself with; one that she can share her strength, weakness, low self esteem, craziness, happiness, sadness and security. She wants to be able to express her views without being put down or screamed at. She wants to see this deep love feeling in the eyes of this man everyday no matter how difficult their lives are. I call this companionship, etc. She wants security that she would not be left alone when she is sick or something drastic happens in her life and she wants softness and compassion when she is in a bad mood and she does want her man to understand her.

The test of love could be some sort of catastrophe in their lives, but they will be patient, support each other and come out together loving each other more. When a woman truly loves a man, she surrenders herself completely to his disposal and this man in turn does not take advantage of this but he treats her with kindness, respect and love.

The main thing we are looking for in life is called “Taqwa” and may The Almighty give us all that for the rest of our lives. (Ameen)

Our generation has ruined love to what he/she has. If a guy is a lawyer, doctor or very wealthy, a gal will jump at his feet claiming to love him. But if he gets broke or sick, she will forsake him simply coz she never loved him in the first place.

It will be better if we can fall in love with ones inner-self rather than the outer-self.
True love brings heart contentment, heart contentment brings Allah’s pleasure, Allah’s pleasure brings success in this world and the hereafter. I am not asking you to compare this statement to today Muslim’s life. Please refer to Abrahim, Musa, Dawood, Sulayeeman, Zacariya, and our Noble Prophet, (saw) and his companions after the conquest of Mecca.

Behind every successful man, there is a true loving woman and I wish one of these days I will meet this dream woman somewhere…………….

Hey anyone knows of any????

Undaunted